How To Deal With Dilemmas

A couple of years ago Geoff Hoppe of the Crimson Circle gifted me an iPod Touch. Since then it has not only become the best travel companion I ever had, but like with so many others it has made me a big fan of all Apple products. It is hard to explain but whether it is a Mac laptop, an iPhone or iPad, they all have something special which is difficult to put in words; it’s a feeling you have about the products and the advanced technology they offer. And, when it comes to technology, I am your archetypical early adapter. Why am I telling you this? It will make you better understand the dilemma I am dealing with right now.

My dilemma

Ever since the iPhone was introduced in the Dutch market, I wanted to have one. Unfortunately, the phone was only offered through a telecom provider which I wasn’t using and which had a bad reputation for coverage. I could have bought an iPhone with a special Apple dealer but that was not only very expensive, there were also a lot of rumors that certain features wouldn’t function properly on the network of my own telecom provider. I had that happen once with another smart phone and I had to change phones in the end, and I certainly wasn’t going to repeat that frustrating experience.

As of this week however, my telecom provider is also offering iPhones, right at the time that I have to renew my contract, which usually means that I get to choose a new phone. So, what’s the dilemma I can already hear you say; get yourself an iPhone dummy! Normally, I would have, but here’s the problem. They are offering the iPhone 4, which has some well known problems most notably with the antenna and it is unclear when they will release the iPhone 5, which will have solved all these issues. Shall I take the iPhone 4 now, with its problems, or wait, risking that the iPhone 5 will only be issued after my contract renewal date?

Mind versus feelings

I know this is a simple and innocent dilemma but it illustrates beautifully what we often encounter with certain questions in life. Our mind says one thing, while our feelings, desires or heart tell something different. Whether it is the buying of that nice, but expensive phone, car or house, or choosing between something like job offers, we are often confronted with conflicting thoughts and feelings. I don’t know about you, but for me such dilemma’s were always very difficult to solve and I often had a nagging feeling afterwards that I made the wrong choice or decision. Do you recognize that? So, what can you do about it? Please allow me to share some thoughts and suggestions.

There are no good or wrong decisions, just experiences

One of the things that I learned is that making the “right” decision is an illusion. For example, many years ago, I accepted a new job which considering the circumstances seemed to be the right decision. Within a few months I ran into all kinds of problems and I was convinced that I had made the biggest mistake of my life. Interestingly, the problems became so big that senior management offered me a different position within the company, which brought me the experience I needed to qualify for the dream job I got one year later with another company.

Spiritual teachers often tell us that even if we make the “wrong” decision, the “system” will not allow for things that are incompatible with your vibration to continue and the law of attraction will eventually ensure for things to come your way. Once you realize there are no right or wrong decisions, only experiences, and in the end things will be all right anyway, it will become much easier to choose.

Choose whatever makes you feel the most happy

When confronted with a dilemma and your mind and feelings direct you in opposite ways, choose for the direction that makes you feel the most happy. You can usually argue the pro’s and con’s of any decision, so the mind can be satisfied whatever you choose. But, it is much harder with your feelings. Whenever you make a decision which logically makes all the sense in the world but makes you feel unhappy, it won’t work. You will continue to have those nagging feelings, regrets and you will be constantly looking for a way out, every day. Sounds familiar?

Choose whatever makes you feel the most excited, as Bashar is emphasizing and explaining in the following clip (5:51).

Don’t forget that you can always make a new choice

Even though you made a decision that made you feel happy, circumstances can change, you can change. So, after a while, you may very well find yourself again being confronted with a dilemma. Now the funny thing is that we humans have this belief system that once you make a choice you have to stick to that choice. Why is that?

Why would you stick to something that doesn’t work for you anymore? Or, stay with something while you clearly desire something different? Just because what other people think or say? That you are not consistent or a person that hasn’t the stamina to see things through? Do you realize that it is also a choice to allow (the thoughts of) other people to keep you from choosing to feel happy at any given moment?

Please understand that every day, every moment, you can make a new choice, change your course. And, if other people advise you not to chose whatever is making you feel more happy, just ask yourself how they, not you, would benefit from having you stay where you are.

Oh, and my choice regarding the iPhone? Nothing would make me more happy then to go down to the shop today and get myself that beautifull phone, although…when I think of the problems I would have, perhaps I better wait. But, then every day when I use my old phone I would regret not having an iPhone, so….Well, what the heck, it’s only a phone anyway…:)

Please feel free to share your comments or personal experiences about dealing with dilemmas.

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4 Responses to How To Deal With Dilemmas

  1. John McCurdy says:

    Jan, I love your articles!

    And yes, I’m learning in my own life that the more I choose what makes me happy, instead of what “makes sense,” the better my life flows and the happier I am. It really does work!

    The catch is that I have to get in touch with what makes me happy RIGHT NOW and trust that, because it’s all too easy to get myself all caught up in what *might* make me happy (or unhappy) in the future. And then I’m all back in my head, and nothing is easy anymore.

    From a technical perspective, since I’m a technical guy, in the case of the iPhone, when you choose what makes you happy you may find that most of those “well known” problems are illusions. Yes, there seems to be a small problem with the antenna, but many of the reputable industry observers and reviewers are now saying that the iPhone 4 still works at least as well as, if not better than, any of the previous models. So what have you got to lose?

    Personally I prefer my Android based phone over my partner’s iPhone, but then I also prefer my PC over her Mac, so it really does all come down to choosing whatever it is that makes YOU happy!

    All the best to you!


    • Jan says:

      Hi John, good to hear from you! You bring up a very important point. Staying in the now, staying in your feelings is indeed the key to solve dilemmas. Your mind is a beautiful machine but nothing more and it is not equipped to let you choose in situations where you are considering to experience new things. As Bashar and Adamus would say, your mind is perfect to explain what happened, not what will happen because there are infinite potentials. I remember a simple example that Tobias gave during the Passion workshop in Mallorca to illustrate the limitations of our mind. He said, your mind is for answering factual questions like how much is 2x2, or what did you have for breakfast this morning? It’s already much more difficult for the mind to answer questions like: what would make me feel happy or what would bring me joy? And, it will get totally lost when you ask questions like: what is my soul desire?

  2. Love this discussion Jan,

    Just this week I found myself in a dilemma. I have taught at a coaching school for six years now. In the beginning, I was so excited to do this work as I believe wholeheartedly in the power of coaching to change lives in miraculous ways. This last year though, ever class has seemed tedious. It’s a six month commitment every other week and now that feels burdensome. I was wrestling with agreeing to lead another class and realizing, if I could get a better attitude about it, then I’d want the class. Another coach buddy of mine was in town yesterday and asked me some great questions to get to the core of what I’m feeling. Her reflection of my energy and demeanor when speaking about leading another class was so helpful. Try as I might, I could not align myself with teaching a class right now. I realized, the fear I was feeling was driving me to say yes to this work as the money would be great. This is a familiar choice point: love or fear. Thankfully I know, anything I do from fear does not go well for anyone. I am choosing to to trust that saying no to this work will open opportunities to do work that is in greater alignment with myself in this moment. And so it is!

    • Jan says:

      Thanks for sharing Mary Beth. You are touching upon one of the most difficult dilemmas I know, following your heart versus financial security. So often I heard myself and others talk about what we really wanted to do only to shy away because we would “risk” losing a steady stream of income. It took me many years to trust the “universe” enough to start following my inner voice, but even then you are often experiencing moments of fear or anxiety. I will write some more about that because once you understand how to deal with this, you are setting yourself really free. I am looking forward to our future discussions and I am very curious to hear what new opportunities will cross your path.

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