How many of your relationships, in the broadest sense of the word, do you feel are balanced, loving and inspiring? All of them? None of them? Let’s be honest, you probably have very few relationships that qualify as such. Perhaps you have one really close and special family member, friend or colleague with whom you feel that way but those are likely to be an exception.
Why is it that so many people struggle with relationships, notwithstanding the abundant advice that is provided in magazines, self help books, courses, talk shows or on the internet? I never understood this until I was made aware through the Sexual Energy School (SES) of the Crimson Circle of the energetic abuse (“energy stealing”) and emotional manipulation that is present in almost all our interactions, which in turn keeps us from having harmonious relationships with each other.
Our daily games of abuse and manipulation
I was astonished to see that so much of our behavior in relationships, which we would call “normal”, is in fact abusive. Please, take a few minutes to watch this short video that will give you a better and perhaps different understanding of emotional abuse.
Were you surprised by some of the examples that were given? Which ones? Why?
What surprised me the most however, when I went through the SES school, was the realization that I abused and manipulated others as much, if not more, as they did with me. I was not only a victim, but I clearly was also a perpetrator in these daily games of energy stealing.
What about you? Do you recognize how you are energetically abused by others but are also manipulating others through your own emotional “games”? Let’s take a few good, deep breaths here because this is quite important to see and admit about yourself.
Just take a moment here to reflect on your own relationships. How do you normally get your way? What tactics do you use? Can you see the emotional manipulation that is going on? But can you also see how you allow others to manipulate you? That you are actually not a victim?
I realized that the only way to change this game of energy stealing and emotional abuse was to start taking responsibility for the way I interacted with other people and deal with the root cause.
Taking responsibility for the way you interact with others
The fact that I had become so aware of this energy manipulation in my relationships had a dramatic impact, albeit in different ways. There were several relationships which I decided to terminate because of the high level of emotional abuse that I experienced. Nothing dramatic, no slamming doors, they just faded from my life after I made this high level choice.
In other relationships, e.g. with my children and partner, I made substantial changes in the ways I interacted with them. I avoided the emotional manipulation I typically applied, but at the same time I also put a stop to their games of energy stealing. This obviously took a while and needed adjustments on all sides but in the end the relationship with each other became much, much more harmonious. You don’t need to take my word for it, just ask my partner and children.
Today, I experience relatively little energy stealing and emotional abuse and most of my relationships have a high degree of harmony. Still there are moments when I realize that I actively participate in an energetic game but then I am very quickly aware and adjust things, which brings me back to the root cause of emotional abuse.
Dealing with the root cause of energy stealing
Basically, the root cause of emotional abuse and energy stealing is a lack of self love and acceptance. Take a minute here to reflect on this. Does this make sense, that if you would completely love and accept yourself, or in other words if you would be fully aligned with your inner being, you would have no need to steal energy or emotionally manipulate others?
Now the question is do you love and accept yourself? Be honest…
Chances are that there is room for some improvement? BTW, don’t be too critical on yourself here, you are in the good company of some 6-7 billion other people 🙂 .
Many spiritual teachers have emphasized the importance of loving and accepting ourselves as the key to harmonious relationships. I personally like this one with Abraham as it is so practical and humorous, as always.