Recently I received a question from a reader regarding A Spiritual Way To Deal With Debt. She wrote me: “Thanks for all the advice, I seriously need to do changes to my financial budget, Can you send me steps to follow, will appreciate it as a single mother with one income.”
A logical and common response to a question like this would be to start talking about cutting expenses and/or increasing income. Although the Internet is crowded with articles like that, it is interesting to see that notwithstanding all the free advice that is available, a lot of people still struggle with money and I am not surprised.
From personal experience I know that balancing your finances will not work unless you also make some “energetic” changes. Let me explain the three, energetic steps that helped me create financial flow.
1. Accept your situation
This may sound counter intuitive, but the first step is to accept the situation you are currently in. As we all create our own reality, to experience, learn and grow, there is a reason that you find yourself in these challenging circumstances. What is it that you can learn from your financial difficulties? What insights are you gaining about yourself? Without judging the situation (it is what it is anyway), try to understand how these conditions are helping you to move forward with a different, more expanded consciousness.
By accepting what you have created and no longer resisting the lessons to be learned, your energy will automatically shift and start to move again in a more positive direction (and remember, if you can create the experience of financial struggle, you can also create the experience of abundance). Don’t be surprised if you experience a feeling of liberation once you accept where you are today.
What usually helps with this acceptance, and become hopeful about your own prospects, is to have a role model, someone who has successfully overcome the same situation. For single mothers perhaps one of the most inspiring stories is that of J.K. Rowling, the writer of the Harry Potter books. At the age of 28, she found herself divorced with a young child, living on social security and diagnosed with clinical depression (she even contemplated suicide). Instead of giving up, she started to rebuild her life through her writing and the rest is history.
In her 2008 Harvard commencement speech, she shared one of the lessons she had learned from this episode, which she at the time considered her biggest “failure” in life: “Failure meant a stripping away of the inessential. I stopped pretending to myself that I was anything other than what I was, and began to direct all my energy to finishing the only work that mattered to me. I was set free, because my greatest fear had been realized, and I was still alive, and I still had a daughter whom I adored, and I had an old typewriter, and a big idea. And so rock bottom became a solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.”
2. Remove any limiting beliefs you have
The second step in creating a balanced financial position is to start shedding any limiting beliefs you have. Let me give you some examples what I mean with this.
As I wrote in Choosing For You (1701), I experienced some serious financial challenges myself, amongst others because I believed that I had to provide the very best for my children, no matter what. I was often bending over backwards to give my children everything they needed and more, even if I couldn’t afford it, just because I thought it was my duty as a parent. BTW, with some dear friends of mine, who have been single mothers, I saw exactly the same thing.
It was not until I realized that this belief was no longer serving me (on the contrary), that I started to put myself first and as a result also my financial position changed for the better. For those readers that find this egotistical: do you know the safety instruction for parents flying with children? On whose head do you put a mask first when the oxygen fails in the cabin? Why is that?
Another persistent belief I have observed with single mothers is that they think it is unavoidable to live with financial struggle. This is no surprise when you consider that publications consistently mention that finances are the main challenge for single parents. But, guess what will happen if this belief is deeply embedded in your being? Indeed, you attract the very circumstances you are so eager to avoid.
So, the second step in rebuilding your financial balance is to critically review any limiting beliefs you have and decide if you want to keep or release them. Simply ask yourself: are these beliefs still serving me? Feel the answer inside…
Talking about limiting beliefs, do you think that J.K Rowling is the only single mother who overcame her financial difficulties? If you search the Internet you will find many other success stories, like the one of Bianca Whitfield or Cordia Harrington, who spoke at the 2006 Crimson Circle Midsummer Conference.
3. Allow help and support from others
Strangely enough, people find it easier to give than to receive. Receiving help from others is often considered a sign of weakness or puts you in a position of “owing” someone, and most people don’t like either. And, of course we have the issue of self worth. Too many belief that they don’t deserve to receive help. What about you? Do you find it easy to receive or are you also careful before accepting anything?
But, what if God, the Universe, All That Is, whatever you call it, wants to help you? Which reminds me of the following story.
There’s a flood and a man is stuck on the roof of his home, he can’t swim. The water’s rising fast so the man prays to God, “help me out of here”. Nothing happens. After a while a rescue boat picking up people comes by and the captain asks the man on the roof, “Do you need any help getting out.” “No thanks,” says the man, “God’s gonna save me.” So the boat goes away. After a while it comes back, but the man still doesn’t need any help because he’s asked God for it. So it goes away, and comes back a third time, and still the man says he doesn’t need any help. Eventually the water rises above the man’s head and he drowns. When he arrives in heaven he asks God, “Why didn’t you save me?” And God answers, “I tried, I sent you a boat three times…”
Why not accept help from others, in whatever shape or form, starting today and consider it as God’s gift to you? Don’t be surprised if once you open your arms good things will come your way faster than you can handle. And if you still feel (some) resistance to start accepting gifts in your life, you may want to use this humorous discussion with Abraham as a reminder.